This post will just be a random list of 10 things that have happened in the last 10 days.  A readers digest version, if you will, of our lives the last 10 days.   I would love to add pictures to all of these events, but quite frankly that takes too long, and I just want to keep you faithful readers and friends and family up to date.

1.  I can't sleep at night, and I can't stay awake during the day.  I am tired all the time, and take a nap almost every day......  Sometimes I will lie down to "rest" during the day, and I end up sleeping for several hours.  I guess my body needs the rest.

2.  My kids have officially begun summer vacation.  We have survived almost 2 weeks.  I have enjoyed most things about them being home, but unfortunately I am the only person in the world whose kids bicker and fight.

3.  We rode the new Front Runner train down to Salt Lake and went to dinner at Tuccanos at the Gateway Mall.  Really yummy Brazilian food.We took all 5 of our kids with us, and they had a great time.  The little boys loved making "choo choo" sounds.  It was comfortable and very nice train ride.  Blake who is now 13 is now an "adult" when we go out to eat.  Good thing he has a big teenage appetite.  He ate, and ate, and ate. He said "This place should be renamed the man cave!"  huh??  What does that mean???

4.  We had 2 tadpoles.  One of the tadpoles who had just finished morphing into a frog died last night.  This froglet was my 5 year old Caleb's.  I was so scared to tell him, because I thought he was going to be so sad.  Well, he took the news rather well.  When we told him that his little frog was dead, he looked stoic for a moment, and then his eyes lit up and he said, "Do I get to flush him down the toilet!!!!"  a little too excitedly.  So he happily flushed the frog down the toilet and asked, when do I get a new frog?  I sure hope he doesn't act like this if his mom dies!!!!!

5.  We redid the floors in our living room. We tore out the carpet and base boards, laid laminate wood floor down, painted some, and it is looking fabulous.  We still have some painting to do, but once that is done we will get new leather sofas.  This is all made possible by George W. Bush's economic stimulus money.  So,  THANK YOU, George W.

6.  Saturday is mine and Dan's 11th wedding anniversary.  I am taking him away for a romantic getaway, but he doesn't know where. 

7.  My kids also have caterpillars that are supposed to change into butterflies.  I got these "nature science" kits so that the kids can do some fun learning during the summer.

8.  Ammon, my 2 year old went pee pee on the toilet for the first time this last week!!!!  YIPPEEEE!!!! 
I won't really push the pottie training until after the summer.

9.  Bekah, Abby and I watched the movie High School Musical 2 last week while doing pedicures and manicures.  They were FAB-U-LOUS!

10.  My tumor marker tests, which is a blood test that checks to see if my cancer is growing is elevated from what it was in November and February.  Could mean something, could mean nothing.  I will talk to the Doctor about it on Tuesday.  Could mean something, could mean nothing.  We will see.  I hate waiting.



 

Wow, time has been flying.  Sorry it has been so long since I updated my blog, but no news is good news, right?

An update on my condition first:  Right before Dan & I went to Puerto Rico I had X-rays done and my tumor markers blood work done.  The cancer in my hip, pelvis, and back is stable.  My blood test tumor markers actually dropped from 43 to 28.  That is wonderful news.  I hope I will stay stable for years and years!!!!

Puerto Rico was fabulous!  It was so beautiful and warm.  The beaches were absolutely gorgeous!!  I felt so much better in the warm, plus Dan was really good at keeping me on top of my meds so I wouldn't be in pain.  Swimming in the Caribbean was amazing.  The water was so warm, and I could just float forever.  That was the best pain relief- that weightless feeling while swimming. 

Part of the time we stayed with a family Dan knew from his mission, the Hernandez's.  They were so nice, and it was wonderful to get to know them.  They feel like family!

The other time we stayed at a bed and breakfast right on the beach.  We had a balcony you could go out and watch the ocean waves crashing on the beach.  We had a yummy breakfast every morning, and we met lots of nice people who were also staying there. 

We took a sailboat trip to some islands, and snorkeled along the coral reef.  We saw so many beautiful fishes, and we even saw a dolphin from the sailboat.  We got a little seasick on the last part of the trip, so I may be hesitant to sail again any time soon. 

All in all, it was a very relaxing and wonderful vacation.  It is always nice to come home; I really started to miss the kids the last 2 days.  Of course, as soon as I get home the are fighting with each other, plus all of the homework, housework, temper-tantrums, cooking, teaching piano lessons, and all the other joys of being a stay at home mom that makes me want to hop on the airplane and fly back to paradise.  Such is life though.  If we didn't have to deal with all of the trials of life, we wouldn't appreciate the precious moments as much. 

 

The sunsets were so breathtaking.  You could literally watch the sun sink in the horizon.  The sunrises were equally beautiful.  Almost every night we would eat dinner at an ocean-side restaurant.  The food was amazing, and we enjoyed non-alcoholic pina-coladas.


This picture is Dan & I at the top of a watchtower in in the El Yunque Rainforest.  This place was totally amazing.  It was so lush and green, and you could hear so many birds chirping in the background.  There were waterfalls, and beautiful flowers. 


El Yunque Rain Forest




Beach front restaurant where Dan had lobster.  We are with the Hernandez's, the people we stayed with.


Dan with his whole lobster. 


Old San Juan


Balcony at the Bed and Breakfast we stayed at:  Luquillo Sunrise Inn


 

The doctor called with the results of my tumor markers test.  My level is 43, and normal is between 0-38.  So that is really good.  They will do this test periodically to test and see if the cancer is growing again, but it is a relief that it is down right now.   Hopefully it will stay low for a LONG, LONG time. 

 

Through all of my treatments and illness I have tried to stay positive and hope for the best.  However something my Oncologist said to me at my visit last week (10-2) really bothered me.  He said that I only have to have chemo a couple of more times and then I can have a break from chemo to have my mastectomy.  He said that he thinks that the cancer is as small as he can get it with the chemo, and that it would be okay to take a break from it to have surgery.  I will have to continue with the Herceptin and Zometa.

He then said that sometimes the cancer can grow back as fast as it shrunk.  This really threw me for a loop.  I thought in my head that I was doing this to get the cancer in remission, as in I would have months, maybe years until the cancer grew.  I know this is a really aggressive form of cancer, but I was really hoping that it could be gone for good.  Not temporarily.

I wonder if I will have to go through treatment again and again, only to have a couple months of break in between treatments.  I am so discouraged that I will never feel whole and healthy again.  I wonder if I will always have to depend on others to help me take care of my family.  Was I unreasonable to think that I could be in remission for an extended period of time?  I have read that time to progression studies of people who had the same chemo is a median of 7-21 months.

Life is so precious, and I know there are no guarantees.  I could die in a car accident on my way to treatment.  I know I need to just remember to be grateful for each day that I am alive, and everyday that I am able to make more memories with my family.  I need to just live each day, and not worry about the future.  My heart is just breaking for all who walk this road with me, and those who leave this life early because of it.  I'm very sad today.  I guess I just need to be grateful for what I have, and live each moment to it's fullest.

I still have quite a ways to go in my journey.  I need to remember to only try to deal with one day at a time, otherwise it is so overwhelming all that I will have to go through to fight this disease.  

I have tried to be strong for my family, all happy and hopeful, but last night I sobbed to my husband about all of my fears and frustrations.  It felt so good to just get some of that pent up emotion out.

I am feeling a lot better about things today.  I had my 16th treatment (But who's counting) and spent a good 15 minutes talking with my doctor's PA about long term treatment plans, etc.  She mapped out the different options (both chemo drugs and hormone inhibition etc.) and it really helped put my mind at ease.

I only have 1 more treatment of Taxol to go, and then I go see the surgeon to get on the schedule for my mastectomy.  I am scared to go off the Taxol, and just be on the herceptin.  I really hope that the herceptin can keep the cancer in check.  I did get the results of my MUGA scan (heart test) and my heart is performing just as well as before I started treatment, so that is good news.  Sometimes the Herceptin can cause severe heart damage, and then you can't take it anymore.

I read the other day about a company that makes t-shirts for breast cancer patients.  It says "yes they are fake, my real ones tried to kill me."  I think I will get one of those shirts so I can laugh about losing my breast, the same way I have tried to use humor to be okay with the fact that I lost my hair.  I learned this example from my Grandpa more than 20 years ago when he was battling cancer. He lost his hair from chemo and radiation and used to say "Now I look like humpty dumpty"  He was such a good example, and back then treatments were so much harder.  It has been almost 20 years since he passed away, but his example still sticks with me.

Anyway, thanks again for all of your support. It helps so much to not be riding this roller coaster aloud.  We can all scream together, laugh together, and cry together.  I don't think any of us are racing to get back in line to ride again, though!  

 

So, GREAT NEWS!  We got the results from my Pet-Ct scan, and things are looking good!  The cancer has shrunk remarkably and is no longer metabollically active.  There is still some way to go in getting the cancer shrunk all the way down, but my response to the chemo has been very good!  The Doc says as long as things keep progressing at the same rate, I will only have 1-2 more months of chemo.  I still have a long way to go before I am done with all of my treatment (I still have to have a mastectomy, and 5-6 weeks of daily radiation) but the progress is great.    

After I finish Chemo (Taxol & Herceptin) I will still have to be on Herceptin the rest of my life (or until the cancer starts growing again).   I have read a lot about this relatively new treatment, and based on what I have read it keeps the cancer from growing an average of 7-21 months, and has limited side effects.  I.e. it doesn't cause hair loss or nausea.  If you are intrested you can read more about herceptin on the following website: www.herceptin.com

All in all, I am doing pretty good.  I have good days and bad, but I am grateful for the good times, and grateful that there is treatment out there that can keep me alive.   It has been a "cool" summer without hair, glad I don't have to spend time messing with hair when I feel lousy.  My eyelashes and eyebrows are almost gone, but thank heavens for eyebrow pencils and magnascopic mascara! 

Thanks everyone for all of your prayers and well wishes!  It makes all the difference!!!!