Good Days and Tired Days

Hello Everyone!  It’s Dan again.

Every time I post anything on this blog I feel like I am on hallowed ground.  I kind of feel an initial exhilaration about writing something on a site that so many people love, about someone so many people love.  I quickly come back down to earth and feel like a guy with sausage fingers trying to play chopsticks in a great concert hall on an amazing grand piano.   

Amber is doing pretty well.  She has good days and bad days.  Her good days are when the pain is controlled and she has energy to do things that she wants to do.  I want to be clear.  The definition of controlled pain and energy to do things is not the same for most of us as it is for Amber.  Being more specific the new medications she is on put the pain well below the debilitating level and below the level where its all you can think about.  She does still feel pain depending on what she is doing its just that it does not keep her from doing many things.  Amber has been in pain at varying degrees for so long having it down at this level probably seems very liberating.  Also having more energy to Amber is different from how you and I would think.  Having more energy means she can more effectively do 3-6 hours of activity that she deems most important to her that day.  If she does this for a couple of days she usually is completely worn out and sleeps most of the next day.  

Example: On Friday our Amber’s brother’s wife Kara came up to make lunch, visit, and finish a craft project with Amber.  Amber and I went on an over night get away later that afternoon (nice dinner and overnight at a nice bed and breakfast).  We came back Saturday around 1:00PM.  Amber rested for awhile and then we took the kids to the new Night at the Museum movie at the local theater.  She slept for another couple of hours and was completely out of it.  I did take her to a dinner they were having at the church that evening but I should have just let her sleep.  Sunday morning she could not even get out of bed without getting dizzy and sick.  She almost always goes to church for sacrament meeting but could not do it yesterday.  She slept until about 3:00PM and came down to her recliner to be around the kids for awhile.  Even this morning (Monday) she still does not feel well enough to be up and around for more activity.  

The good is that she can do the things she did Friday and Saturday.  I guess it’s also good that her bad days do not usually include being deathly ill.  She is just too tired to stay awake. 

What tremendous blessings we have experienced!  I am so grateful for the Lord’s mercy in allowing her to still be able to do the things she can do even after having aggressive, late-stage, cancer for well over two years.  I find it interesting that when some facet of this trial changes we wonder, “Oh no what are we going to do”?  Or “how are we going to handle this”?  But the answer always ends up being the same.  It just takes a few days or weeks of hand wringing for us to realize it.  Faith in Jesus Christ and his atonement, his mercy, his love, and his power to heal us is always the answer.  Sometimes he heals our bodies as a result of our faith filled pleas, other times it is not His will.  I know that healing our hearts and souls is always His will.  He stands ready and waiting for us to ask in faith.  

We have been so blessed that many people have been inspired by the love of God to act on our behalf.  They have truly “strengthened the weakened knees and lifted the hands that hang down”.  Our families, ward and community have been so kind and have made great burdens lighter.  We thank you and love you with all of our hearts.  Who knew Chopsticks was such a long song J