I have kind of had a bad week.  I hate to complain when there are so many more out there that are so much worse off than I am. 

I have had a sinus infection this last week, and then on Wednesday night my eardrum ruptured.  Boy did that hurt.  My ear has been draining infection since then, and it is quite gross.  Loud noises (children) make it hurt more, so my sweet mother in law has taken the kids for the weekend.  I am just so worn out and dog tired from radiation, it is hard to have energy to do anything.  I hope to just rest and rejuvenate this weekend.  I only have 1 more week of radiation.  They will be doing what is called a boost this week, where they beam extra radiation along the mastectomy scar and where the tumor was.  25 treatments down, only 5 to go.  Almost done!!!  Then I will go in every 3 weeks for a triple dose of herceptin, instead of every week.  My life may be able to return to normal soon!!!!!!!!

Then I feel so guilty for feeling sorry for myself.  Last night we found out that a dear family friend, Kathy Blacker, passed away from esophageal cancer.  Dan and I went to visit her on Monday, and I am so glad we did.  We had such a good talk, and I am so glad I had the chance to give her a hug and tell her I love her.  She has been battling cancer for more than a year, and I would see her periodically at Dr. Hansen's office where we both were receiving Taxol.  Kathy was an amazing woman, and her attitude and strength was such a strength to me. She has been so sick for such a long time.  She hasn't been able to eat and had a feeding tube.  I am glad that her suffering is over, but my heart breaks for her family.  I pray that they find strength and comfort at this difficult time. 

I wonder sometimes, why chemo treatments work for some, and not for others.  There have now been 2 people that I know who were battling cancers at the same time as me who have passed on.  (plus there have been 2 others who I met at Dr.Hansen's office who were receiving treatment who have also died in the last couple of weeks.)  I have had such a miraculous response to all of my treatments.  I feel so guilty sometimes that the treatments have worked for me, and not for others.  I know it is not in our hands, and that everything happens for a reason, suffering and trials, but I am having a hard time shaking the guilt that I feel.  I know that it could be me someday, and I struggle with that thought.  My heart breaks at the thought of dying and leaving my family and friends.  I know that this life is not the end, and that there is an eternal life, but the separation from loved ones is never an easy thing. 

I just pray that those who have cause to suffer and mourn may find comfort.  I know we all have trials, and I hope that we can all help others bear their burdens, and show charity and love to those around us.

Here is a picture of how long my hair is now.  Picture taken Jan 6th, 2008


Let them eat cake!!!  A dear lady in our stake, Jean Davis, brings us dinner on Tuesdays after my treatment day.  This is the fabulous cake she made last week.  Yum!


1/12/2008 09:39:25 am

You are amazing and have inspired me!!!I am sorry to hear about all that is happening - and I hope you feel better quickly but Thanks for complaining...because it makes me re-look at my life. I hope you have a wonderful weekend of relaxation!:)

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1/13/2008 07:43:19 am

Amber,

That hair is coming in! I still need to get up there and give you an iMovie tutorial.

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