So, I have a 2 year old. I love him dearly. He is so much fun. But the last couple of weeks, um, not so much. He has decided that he has to do everything by-him-self. He wants to brush his own teeth, dress and undress by himself, climb up and down the toilet by himself (still working on that potty training thing), and if I dare try to help him, he answers with a shriek and yelling "NO, men do it!!!" (translate men to Ammon, his name) Then he has to start all over again to prove that he can do it.
I was quite frustrated this afternoon because Ammon kept wanting to go potty and then get his pants back on. It was taking FOREVER! Usually, I am like fine, whatever. I could do this so much quicker, but if you need your independence, fine. But then it was time to run Blake and Bekah to golf, and Ammon was insisting on doing it himself. I didn't have time to wait for him. We were going to be late!
I finally get his clothes put back on him, all the while he is kicking and screaming. Then it is time to get in the van. And what happens? Ammon wanted to climb in himself and buckle his own seatbelt. Well, he really has a hard time doing that, so I forcefully did it so we could get on our way.
As I was driving, I began to think about that. I was so frustrated because Ammon wanted to do things by himself that I could do so much easier. Because of his abilities in this point in his life, he is not very capable of doing certain things. He really would like to do these things by himself, but he just isn't physically able to do them.
And then it struck me. I am a 2 year old. I am insisting on doing things all by myself, even though I am not quite physically able to do them. Sure I can try really hard and push myself, but some things would just be easier if I let someone else do them. OF course I can take myself potty, and get dressed all by myself, but I need help in other things. Like having my house cleaned, having help with the kids, having dinner made for me (sweet 10 year old Bekah cooked dinner for us tonight.) I can do housework, it just takes me a long time, and causes a lot of pain. I can cook, but while undergoing chemo the smells of food is sometimes very unappealing, and it is hard to cook when nothing sounds good to eat, or when you are just plain tired or in pain.
So I need to step back, and accept help. But please understand that sometimes I do want to do things ALL by myself. I guess the wisdom would be balancing out what I NEED to do to feel needed and productive without totally exhausting myself. hmmmmm. Just something I have been thinking about.
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