I have an amazing wife. She is soooo easy to love that we never lack help or offers to help. An amazing example of this is our church congregation (ward). Each month Sister Eddington calls me and asks me what we will need in the coming month (meals, help with the boys, rides to the doctor, etc). She makes a calendar and passes it around to the ladies at church and they sign up to fill the needs. Everyone that touches the calendar signs up for something and sometimes multiple things. The calendar only makes it through about 1/3 of the room or less and all of the opportunities have been signed up for.
So after church I get about half a dozen ladies that tell me they would love to bring a meal or help with something but the list didn’t make it to them. They tell me to call them when I think of something. I love Amber so much that I love to serve her but I have never had so much competition in the loving and serving department. What a wonderful “problem” to have.
This past month, while Amber has been off chemo, our angel mothers, and my sister Kellie, who is an angel in training, have been coming up every day while I am at work to help with our kids. They are there to help Amber be able to do things if she feels up to it or allow her to sleep if she is too tired to do things. They have played with kids, cooked, cleaned, done laundry, and in general just made Amber’s life more enjoyable. It is interesting to see how much the kids love all three of them and look forward to the different styles and personalities they each offer. Our family is so blessed to have them in our home often. We love and appreciate all three of them dearly!
Hello Everyone! It’s Dan again.
Every time I post anything on this blog I feel like I am on hallowed ground. I kind of feel an initial exhilaration about writing something on a site that so many people love, about someone so many people love. I quickly come back down to earth and feel like a guy with sausage fingers trying to play chopsticks in a great concert hall on an amazing grand piano.
Amber is doing pretty well. She has good days and bad days. Her good days are when the pain is controlled and she has energy to do things that she wants to do. I want to be clear. The definition of controlled pain and energy to do things is not the same for most of us as it is for Amber. Being more specific the new medications she is on put the pain well below the debilitating level and below the level where its all you can think about. She does still feel pain depending on what she is doing its just that it does not keep her from doing many things. Amber has been in pain at varying degrees for so long having it down at this level probably seems very liberating. Also having more energy to Amber is different from how you and I would think. Having more energy means she can more effectively do 3-6 hours of activity that she deems most important to her that day. If she does this for a couple of days she usually is completely worn out and sleeps most of the next day.
Example: On Friday our Amber’s brother’s wife Kara came up to make lunch, visit, and finish a craft project with Amber. Amber and I went on an over night get away later that afternoon (nice dinner and overnight at a nice bed and breakfast). We came back Saturday around 1:00PM. Amber rested for awhile and then we took the kids to the new Night at the Museum movie at the local theater. She slept for another couple of hours and was completely out of it. I did take her to a dinner they were having at the church that evening but I should have just let her sleep. Sunday morning she could not even get out of bed without getting dizzy and sick. She almost always goes to church for sacrament meeting but could not do it yesterday. She slept until about 3:00PM and came down to her recliner to be around the kids for awhile. Even this morning (Monday) she still does not feel well enough to be up and around for more activity.
The good is that she can do the things she did Friday and Saturday. I guess it’s also good that her bad days do not usually include being deathly ill. She is just too tired to stay awake.
What tremendous blessings we have experienced! I am so grateful for the Lord’s mercy in allowing her to still be able to do the things she can do even after having aggressive, late-stage, cancer for well over two years. I find it interesting that when some facet of this trial changes we wonder, “Oh no what are we going to do”? Or “how are we going to handle this”? But the answer always ends up being the same. It just takes a few days or weeks of hand wringing for us to realize it. Faith in Jesus Christ and his atonement, his mercy, his love, and his power to heal us is always the answer. Sometimes he heals our bodies as a result of our faith filled pleas, other times it is not His will. I know that healing our hearts and souls is always His will. He stands ready and waiting for us to ask in faith.
We have been so blessed that many people have been inspired by the love of God to act on our behalf. They have truly “strengthened the weakened knees and lifted the hands that hang down”. Our families, ward and community have been so kind and have made great burdens lighter. We thank you and love you with all of our hearts. Who knew Chopsticks was such a long song J
I know it has been a really long time since I have last blogged. I have just been unmotivated to get on the computer. I spend my limited energy with my family, and whenever I have a chance to sit for a minute, I fall asleep. I have been really unmotivated and have felt uninspired. I just don't have a lot to say right now.
Life has been really good the last couple of weeks. We had a wonderful time in San Diego. It was such a beautiful city, and we made so many great memories. I wanted to capture each memory so we can remember it all, so I took over 500 pictures.
My last test results were bad again. The chemo isn't working, and it kind of feels like I am out of options, and just tired of the fight. It has been a month since my last chemo treatment, and I have been feeling so much better with all of the toxic chemo elements in my body. I have a new home health care team, and they have redone all of my pain medications, and added new prescriptions to help with the different cancer symptoms I have. It has made a huge difference in the quality of life I am experiencing. Most days are really good days, and I am able to do a lot of things with my kids. I do have days where I crash, and spend the entire day sleeping, however those are only after I have overdone it on good days.
So, that is what has been going on lately with me. We are just enjoying spending time with family and friends, and enjoying every minute! And one of these days when I am feeling more motivated, I will share more info about our recent trip to San Diego and put some pictures up on the site. To all of those of you who read this, Thank you always for all of your love and concern, prayers and support!!!!
Hey Everyone! This is Dan.
We are in beautiful San Diego California and are enjoying the magnificent weather (not to hot, not to cold) and the amazing surroundings. I have always wanted to take Amber to San Diego. I visited with friends on spring break in 1992 and dubbed it the most beautiful "big city" in the USA. Now that I finally made good on my promise to bring her here (thanks to Ammon) she is a believer. The Ocean, the city, the temperate weather, the flowers, trees and folliage everywhere even in the freeway medians just make the city. Amber will probably blog about the trip when we get back but I just had to tell one thing Amber did today that is indicative of her approach to life now. We drove over a huge bridge to Coronado Island to Coronado Beach today. The city of Coronado had these huge motorized handicap beach chairs to get people in her condition out to the water. She drove it out there and laid on a beach towel to relax which is her favorite thing to do at the beach. The kids were all out on in the water and rolling around in the sand seeing how much sand one swimming suit can hold and playing in the water intermittantly. Amber decided that despite her condition she was not going to miss out. She strolled out to the water and walked right in. I thought it was just to get her feat wet and be closer to me and the kids so I went back to watching Ammon chase the birds and throw sand at them. A couple of minutes later I hear what I thought was Amber screaming and went into full "Bay Watch" mode to go save her. As soon as I caught sight of her I realized that she was squealing with delight (and from cold water I assume) and laughing as she frolicked in the waives. I called out to her to be careful because it was deep enough, and the waives big enough, to cause her to lose her balance with her weakened hip. Afterall I am not as fast running and swimming as David Hasselhoff although I would go for it if needed. She ignored my pleas just like the kids had been doing and added giggling to the squealing and continued playing in the waives all by herself as the kids also watched in disbelief from the shore. She actually did lose her balance on an extra big wave and lost her footing and lost her favorite sunglasses. But there was no "I told you so" from me because if I live to be 100 I will never be able to erase the sight and sounds of my sweetheart living every MINUTE like it is a gift because to her it truly is.
No news is not really good news. I received bad news with my tumor marker tests. My tumor markers went up about 20% to 104. That was even with taking an extra 500 mg of Xeloda a day. Obviously Xeloda is not working to kill the cancer. I am stopping chemo for a while. I see no sense in making myself sick when the cancer continues to grow anyway. I am looking forward to having some quality time.
I know I tend to gloss over how miserable I really am on the blog because I hate to complain. I have had so much pain from the cancer, that I haven't been sleeping well, and my dosage of pain meds is continually increased. I also have tumor growing in my armpit that is growing on a nerve which makes my hand numb and tingling and pins and needle like pain. It is hard to type. I have no strength in my hand, it is almost useless. I can't play the piano very well, scrapbook, tie shoes, button things, etc. It is so depressing at times.
As if life wasn't hard enough, Saturday night Dan started having intense pain in his abdomen. Sure enough, appendicitis. So we spent Sunday at the ER, and Sunday evening they took him in to have his appendix removed. Surgery went well, but he is in pain from surgery. He is hanging out with me in our family room. What a pair we make!
Dan booked a trip for us last week to go to San Diego to celebrate 2 years of surviving cancer. We are supposed to fly out on Sunday. Hopefully he is recovered enough that we can go and enjoy! I have always wanted to go to Sea World and the San Diego zoo. He says he will be just fine. I am on new pain medicine so I can hopefully be able to go and do while we are there.
Life hasn't been all bad. We've celebrated Abby's 9th birthday and Bekah's 11th birthday. We went and saw the flowers at Temple Square in Salt Lake. 2 weeks ago, Dan and I went to the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving point. That was truly amazing! We stayed the night down there, and I am so glad we had that time together, just him and I. We've spent a bunch of time enjoying life and family, and making memories.
This last weekend we went to Park City with Dan's family. That was fun. We go every spring, and the kids have a lot of fun playing with their cousins, swimming, and going shopping at the outlet mall. I had to take a lot of naps and take a lot of pain medicine, but we still had a fun time (even though Dan was in pain from his appendicitis.)
 Me and Dan at the Tulip Festival.
 Me and the kids at Temple Square.
 This Easter, I pondered a lot on the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. On Easter Sunday, my daughter Abby gave a talk in Primary about this subject. She said, "I know that my mom will be resurrected, and that all of her scars will be gone, and her hair will be back." I was so touched by this, and have since been thinking about that a lot. As I feel my body getting sicker and sicker as the cancer continues to grow and damage it, I found hope! Even though my body is slowly dying as the cancer ravages it, this will not be the end. I will be resurrected, and all of my scars will be gone! I will be pain free, and have energy again! What a joyful thing! I am so grateful for my Savior, and for His sacrifice!
 Spring is my favorite time of year. I love seeing the flowers bloom. In the fall I planted bulbs with my mother in law, and I remember wondering if I would be here to see them bloom. I am so happy that I am still here, and have such delight in seeing my bulbs blooming. It is a miracle that these dead looking bulbs come back to life. As the days get warmer, and the rains come, they wake from their slumber, and begin to grow. Their bright colored blooms also remind me of the resurrection. When you compare the beauty of the flower to the withered and gray bulbs, you realize that that is what the Resurrection will bring. It will restore the weak and frail body, to one that is bright and shining; one that is strong and healthy, free from disease. Though my body is more like the bulb now, one day I will be a blooming flower.
My little sister Emily is an excellent photographer, and she graciously did a photo shoot of me and my kids. The pictures turned out so precious!! They just made me laugh and cry when I saw them. We had so much fun taking the pictures, and I am so glad they turned out so well. You can see the pictures on her blog here:
Photo shoot
I am sorry I haven't posted this update sooner. I got the results from my brain MRI, and they are good! My brain tumor has continued to shrink, and there were no new tumors. Needless to say, we are all thrilled.
I have enjoyed this last week during my off week of chemo. We had a wonderful Easter, and a fun spring break.
I fully intend on doing a longer entry soon, and plan on adding pictures from our St. Maarten trip, Easter, and activities we have done lately. It is just hard for me to type right now because I have tumor pressing on the nerve of my right arm, making my arm and hand numb and tingling, and my fingers aren't working right. Very frustrating. It is a priority to get this blog and picture page updated this week, so check back!
I survived another week of chemo pills, along with Herceptin last week. I finished my week of pills yesterday. I am SO glad. My oncologist increased my daily dose from 3000mg to 3500mg, in hope of slowing the cancer down. It takes a couple of days for my stomach to recover. I am still really tired. No matter how much I sleep, I am still tired.
I am enjoying the warmer days. I even went outside and blew bubbles with Ammon. I sat and soaked up the sun while Ammon giggled and made a big soapy mess.
I have a brain MRI tomorrow. It hardly feels like it has been 3 months since my last one, but it has. I really hate tests. They make me feel so anxious, plus the actual test is not very pleasant. I am praying for good results. I haven't had any new or unusual headaches or symptoms, so I am hopeful that my brain tumor is still shrinking, and that there are no new brain tumors. Wish me luck!
I can't believe how long it has been since I last wrote something for my blog. I just don't really feel like I have anything inspiring or interesting to write about. I completed my week of chemo, and spent the next couple of days still feeling really yucky. I still feel SO tired all the time. My pain is getting worse in my hip and shoulder. My mood lately would best be described as BLAH.....
I can't wait for sunny spring days. The sun makes me feel so much better.
I am supposed to start another week of chemo pills tomorrow. I am going to put it off until Monday night because I bought tickets to the Utah Jazz game on Monday. Our family is really excited for it.
I just don't have a lot to report about what has been going on lately. All I do is rest, feel sick, rest, sleep, feel sick, and then sleep some more. Very Blah life.
I went out to lunch and dinner on Friday. I went to lunch with my mom and sisters, and 5 kids under the age of 3. That was fun, but stressful. The kids got bored and were doing a choo-choo train around the restaurant. We did get free Asphalt Pie because it is my Mom and Sisters birthday this week.
Then Dan and I went out to dinner with some friends on Friday night which was really fun, except I got really tired. I can't eat much, but the company is great, it's always fun to talk and share some laughs with good friends. Plus I have a fridge full of leftovers!!
Saturday night we went to my Mom's house for her birthday. It felt great to finally get out of the house after almost 2 weeks of being home bound. I even missed church last Sunday. I am hoping I make it there tomorrow morning.
So there it is, my very blah update. Next week should be another blah week with having chemo pills and I have to go in for IV chemo again on Tuesday. That's why I have to live it up this weekend and Monday, because come Tuesday, I'm going to be sick again..... blah blah blah......
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