I have been asked a couple of times why I am delaying starting aggressive chemo again, even though my Dr. thinks I should.  I don't like to complain, but I though maybe if I explained a little more the side effects of chemo, it will be easier to understand why I am willing to risk more cancer growth by delaying.

Right now the side effects of cancer are pretty intense pain in my hip and back, that is managed fairly well with pain medicine.  The medicine does make me tired, and I am tired to begin with, and don't have a lot of energy.  The pill I take every day, Aromasin, has made my joints in my knees and hands ache and hurt.  Because of going into menopause, I now have arthritis in my shoulders and my knees.  This showed up on my last scan.  So, the biggest challenge right now is pain, which can be managed. 

I was so sick, and miserable, and tired when I was on Taxol.  The night I had treatment, my hands and feet felt like they were on fire, they would burn.  My legs would hurt so bad, I almost couldn't walk.  I had such horrible diarrhea that I would literally spend hours in the bathroom.  This caused bloody oozing sores on my behind.  My stomach had so many cramps, and it hurt so bad.  Food tasted bad and metallic.  Everything I ate went right through me, my digestive system wasn't working.  The nausea was managed with pills that put me to sleep.  I got sores all over the inside of my mouth and throat, I had to use a special toothpaste to keep my gums from falling apart.  I had sores in my nose.   I would curl up into a ball on the bathroom floor and cry I was so miserable.  The nerve damage that treatment caused was painful.  My hands and feet tingled and burned, like pins and needles.  Every step I took felt like I was stepping on needles.  This was cumulative, and got worse the longer I was on treatment.  My blood counts got so low, I had to have shots to boost them.  I was SO TIRED.  Some days I hurt all over so bad I couldn't even get out of bed.  My memory was shot, I couldn't remember friends names, or even conversations I had with people.  I was dizzy all the time, and I couldn't read because it made me too dizzy, and I couldn't track words along the lines on pages.  (Those of you who know me, know I LOVE to read, so this was very frustrating).  The steroids they gave me made me bloated and swell, and even though I was so tired I couldn't sleep.  I was wired and agitated.  Not to mention losing my hair, including eyebrows and eyelashes. 

The side effects from treatment started to subside after a couple of days, and I usually felt quite a bit better for the 2 days before treatment again, but then it was time to start all over again.   I did 17 rounds of this. 

So, this is why I am going to wait to start aggressive chemo again.  Even though the cancer is active, and growing, and spread to a couple of new spots, I have to weigh the risk of waiting compared to what my quality of life is.   There is the risk that the cancer could spread to somewhere else, but I am still on the  Herceptin and Zometa, plus Aromasin, and I have faith that those treatments will keep the cancer in check so it doesn't go totally crazy in the next 6 weeks. 

The treatment for the disease is sometimes worse than the disease itself.  Right now that is the case for me.  If the cancer was spreading in my lung, or in my liver or brain, I am sure that I would feel worse, so maybe rushing into treatment again would be the lesser of two evils.  But as things stand right now, even though my doctor would prefer that I start aggressive chemo again right now, I choose to wait.  Maybe it is foolish, maybe it is tempting fate, but life is too short to be sick like that again.  Sometimes it comes down to quality over quantity.  I have read too many times about women who restarted chemo, never to be able to stop again.  Just in case that is the case for me, I want to enjoy some good quality time with my children and family right now. 

7/12/2008 09:38:13 pm

It sounds like you're clear about your choice and I think that is the most important thing. I've always found that I make my best decisions when I follow my heart; the worst ones are made out of fear.

I wish you all the best with your choice, Amber.


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7/31/2012 04:38:55 pm

wow, i mean if they were going that route, i think they would have opted to make a female doll! I was a little surprised when that flap was dropped! haha.

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