I can't believe how long it has been since I last wrote something for my blog. I just don't really feel like I have anything inspiring or interesting to write about. I completed my week of chemo, and spent the next couple of days still feeling really yucky. I still feel SO tired all the time. My pain is getting worse in my hip and shoulder. My mood lately would best be described as BLAH.....
I can't wait for sunny spring days. The sun makes me feel so much better.
I am supposed to start another week of chemo pills tomorrow. I am going to put it off until Monday night because I bought tickets to the Utah Jazz game on Monday. Our family is really excited for it.
I just don't have a lot to report about what has been going on lately. All I do is rest, feel sick, rest, sleep, feel sick, and then sleep some more. Very Blah life.
I went out to lunch and dinner on Friday. I went to lunch with my mom and sisters, and 5 kids under the age of 3. That was fun, but stressful. The kids got bored and were doing a choo-choo train around the restaurant. We did get free Asphalt Pie because it is my Mom and Sisters birthday this week.
Then Dan and I went out to dinner with some friends on Friday night which was really fun, except I got really tired. I can't eat much, but the company is great, it's always fun to talk and share some laughs with good friends. Plus I have a fridge full of leftovers!!
Saturday night we went to my Mom's house for her birthday. It felt great to finally get out of the house after almost 2 weeks of being home bound. I even missed church last Sunday. I am hoping I make it there tomorrow morning.
So there it is, my very blah update. Next week should be another blah week with having chemo pills and I have to go in for IV chemo again on Tuesday. That's why I have to live it up this weekend and Monday, because come Tuesday, I'm going to be sick again..... blah blah blah......
I began my chemo pills again last night after having several weeks off. It has been 4 weeks since I have had IV chemo either. It has felt so wonderful to be able to eat and enjoy food, enjoy family events, go on vacation, and have a little more energy while I have had my little chemo break.
Having metastatic cancer causes so many problems by itself; pain, fatigue, stomach issues etc. When you add chemo, you just add a bunch of other problems. During my chemo break I was able to do so many great family things like my sister in law's wedding, going out to dinner as a family, going to the Draper temple open house, and of course our vacation to St. Maartin.
As much as I have enjoyed my weeks off from chemo, it is time to start the fight again. There was a part of me that really didn't want to start chemo again. The chemos that I am on only has a 20% chance of slowing the cancer. I realize that if I don't take chemo, I have a 0% chance. As difficult as it is to suffer the side effects, I feel like I have to TRY to do my part in fighting this disease. I need to know that I did my part to be here for as long as possible for my family.
I am being a glutton for punishment this week. Not only am I doing my oral chemo pills, I am going in for IV chemo today. I figure if I am going to be sick, I may as well double up and be really sick all at once. Plus I had to have an infected ingrown toenail removed yesterday. Due to chemo my nails grow all wonky, just another lovely side effect of my cancer treatments.
Needless to say, I am going to be flat in bed the rest of the week. My sister in law brought me some movies including the Anne of Green Gables movie series. So, I am going to have some great entertainment! I am always so grateful for all of the thoughtfulness of friends and family. My family and I am taken such good care of. I am always so grateful for the meals brought in, and thankful for the friends who take my little boys every afternoon so I can nap. If we weren't taken such good care of, I know I wouldn't have the energy to fight!
When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I spent hours searching the internet, trying to figure out how long I would survive this deadly disease. Based on my research, with my stage of cancer and with the treatment I was doing, the median survival time was 15-22 months after diagnosis. I just past 22 months yesterday. I am so grateful and humbled that I am still alive. It is a miracle that my life has been preserved. Based on studies and statistics, I should be dead. But I am still here, and in remarkably good condition, for a stage 4 cancer patient.
These 22 months have been filled with the most exhilarating ups and the darkest lows. I have had times where I have been happier than I had ever been, and experienced the most touching miracles, big and small. I also have had dark days and nights, where I didn’t think I could survive another day, where I felt great despair about my condition, and times where I feared greatly.
Through it all, I have been blessed with so much love and service to help me when I didn’t think I could go on. I know my survival is a miracle, and I don’t think I could have made it without all of the service rendered to us. If I didn’t have the opportunity to rest, thanks to those who help watch my children, I think it would be a lot harder for my body to withstand cancer and its treatments. We have been blessed with hundreds of delicious meals, which are so wonderful because I don’t have the energy to cook. Not only has our family been fed, but our spirits have also been strengthened by the support.
My cancer journey has definitely been a marathon. I am so grateful for all those who have ran with us, step by step, through the difficult terrain. I know that all the prayers that have been offered up have helped me and my family continue on, even when we feel like we don’t have the strength to continue. I am so grateful for all the people who have helped carry our load, so we can run the race without extra weight hampering our fight.
I am hopeful that I will live many months past my expiration date. I hope I don’t start to mold or start to stink now that I am past my expiration date. I plan to live every day as fully as possible, and I still feel now more than ever that every day is a gift. I have lived every day more fully, enjoyed every little moment, and been grateful for every day that I am still alive. I encourage all of you who read this to do the same.
 This is our most recent family picture. It was taken last night at Dan's little sister Kristina's wedding reception.
I'm back from our wonderful vacation. It was so beautiful and warm. Truly paradise. Dan and I had a wonderful time together. I missed our kids so much, but it was so good for Dan & I to have that time together. My laptop broke while we were in St. Maartin, so I wasn't able to email home. It is still broken, so I am using our 10 year old ancient computer.
The villa we stayed at was so comfortable and it was right on the beach. Every morning Dan bought delicious french pastries, which we ate on our balcony while watching the waves. It was heavenly. We relaxed on the beach, and I slept a lot. There is something about the sounds of the waves crashing that just lulled me off to sleep.
Two of the days we went to another island, Anguilla. We went to a white sandy beach that had an amazing reef right off the coast, where we snorkeled with hundreds of colorful fishes. The coral reef formations and plants were breathtaking. We even saw a Manta Ray, and so many different kinds of fishes. It is so fascinating to see a whole other world that exists under water. I loved floating in the water, swimming with the fishes. Floating is the best pain relief. It is so easy to float in the warm salt water of the caribbean.
I am still trying to readjust to the time changes. As much as I missed my kids, it is hard to come back and dive back into the day to day routine. Yesterday there was no school, so we spent the day hanging out. That was nice.
Once I get my laptop fixed, I will upload some pictures from our vacation.
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