6 months ago today I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Wow. I can't believe it has been that long. The days have drug on, but the weeks have flown by. I have grown so much during this time, and learned so much. It has been such a humbling and terrifying experience battling breast cancer. I heard a quote the other day. It was, Sometimes when a person is diagnosed with a terminal illness, they begin to die. Sometimes, they begin to live. I can tell you that is SO true. I try to live each day to the fullest, and be grateful for each day.
It has been a really long week. My kids have been sick with the stomach flu. I have cleaned up so much throw up, I just can't wait for everyone to be healthy. Luckily I haven't got it.
I am continuing to recover from surgery. Every day is better and better. I am still really tired and worn out (but that is also in part because I have been up with sick kids every night). I can't wait until I feel "normal" again. Whatever that ends up being!
Saturday I was able to attend a Horizon of Hope luncheon thanks to Shauna and Drew Weidman. Dan is friends with Drew and referees football with him. They generously sponsored me to be able to attend. The speakers at this event were incredible, and really gave me so much strength and hope from listening to them speak. I also received a beautiful basket with goodies and a flower arrangement. I feel so humbled by how much the Lord blesses me and shows His tender mercies through the selfless giving and service of others.
It was a beautiful day on Sunday. Perfect fall weather, and beautiful fall leaves changing colors. I went for a walk with my kids, and even though I am pretty slow, it was wonderful to get out and enjoy this beautiful earth that we live in.
I am feeling great today. I feel better on my good days than I felt for months before I started treatments. Now if I can only get through surgery! I am really scared of that, and can't wait until it is over and done with. My surgery should be in the next couple of weeks, and as soon as I have a date scheduled for sure, I will let everyone know. I can't believe another week has passed. The days drag on (especially when I am feeling lousy from chemo) but the weeks fly by!
A man who lives in Willard named Don Tuft surprised us with a beautiful framed painting of the San Diego temple today. He painted it especially for us! We were so awed by his kindness! He said that he knows we are going through a hard time, but hopes that this painting will help us keep things in an eternal perspective. We are continually in awe of all the kindness and service that is shown to us. I think that if everyone everywhere would show this kind of love and charity to all this world would be a better place.
I think this website is kind of turning into a gratitude journal. I am so grateful and thankful to everyone for their loves, prayers, support, and kindnesses, whether great or small. YOU each make the difference of brightening my day and making it possible for our family to get through this trial well.
Just thought I would share a funny experience I had last night. Not all of my hair has fallen out from the chemo, it just got really thin, and you can totally see my scalp. The hair that was left was about and inch long, and the roots of what had grown during chemo was white! So last week I shaved it down to match the new growth (also white fuzz). So now I have baby down fuzz that is 1/4" long, mostly white. It is super soft!
Last night my little brother Taylor came home from serving a 2 year church mission in Africa. My other little brother, Kristofor, was serving a mission in Canada when Taylor left, so it had been over 3 years since they have seen each other. Since Kristofor has been home, he has grown out his hair, and he has a curly mop of chin length hair. Anyhoo, after Kristofor had given Taylor a hug and welcomed him home, I came up, put my arm around Kristofor and pulled off my hat and said, "Where is the justice in this. He has all of this hair and I have none!" Everyone roared with laughter.
Now mind you, the only people who have seen me with my baby fuzz has been my mom and dad, husband and kids. All of my siblings, grandparents, and aunts haven't seen me. So, I'm sorry if I shocked you all. I am used to what I look like. Don't really like it, but at least I'm no longer shocked when I look at myself in the mirror.
Here is what my fuzz looks like. I really miss my hair, and I think as soon as my scalp doesn't show through, I will ditch the hats and scarves and wig. It seems like I can forget about being bald when I am at home, but when I have a wig or hat on, I constantly think about it. So what do you all think? Different from the dark fuzz when I first shaved my head, huh! I wonder if it will stay white, or if I am doomed to "dye".
So here I am updating my blog. I had a couple of paragraphs typed up the other day to post, but Ammon came and pushed the power button and I lost my whole post.
Now I have a NEW computer. Dan surprised me with a new Apple MacBook for my birthday. So now I can sit anywhere and type.. In bed, in my recliner he recently bought me, at the hospital while getting chemo... etc. He is in so much trouble for spending so much money on me when we are already paying so much towards doctor bills. I joked with him that he is just buying me all of this nice stuff so he can have it when I die.
I enjoyed my week off from chemo. We had a fun Labor Day, and my sister in law Katie helped me take the kids to Brigham City Peach Day's this last weekend. It was really fun.
I actually feel so much better than I did before I was diagnosed with cancer on my good days. I was in so much pain and could hardly walk before from the bone mets. Now that my bones are healing, I can do so much more on the days when I'm not sick from the chemo. I look forward to the day when I am done with chemo. (which could be the middle to end of October).
I had a wonderful birthday. My kids did so much to make it special. They made me muffins for breakfast in bed, did a little parade with homemade parade floats, and were great about doing all their chores (with help from Dan's sister Ann).
Dan took me out to a really nice dinner at a restaurant called Hamiltons in Logan. They had the best service and delicious food. They really took there time serving you and it was a perfect evening.
I have several people ask me all the time how I can be so happy all the time when I have cancer. The reason is that I take time to enjoy life now and don't take things for granted. When you take the time to enjoy little things, then you are happier. There is always good in anything, you just have to choose to see it. You don't need to be sick with a terminal illness to do this. You just have to change your attitude. Also, people have been so kind and helpful, it is hard not to find joy. I have a neighboor, DeAnn who brings me flowers every week. They bring so much joy. We get cookies, goodies, and fresh produce from so many neighbors, it is so nice. Plus when you have so many people praying for you, it just helps you to get through the hard days. Some days I almost feel guilty because people do so much for us. It makes we wonder how people who don't have such a strong network of families and friends get through trials like this. I just have to be grateful to be so blessed, and look forward to the time when I can be healthy and be able to do for others like they have done for me.
Life is good!
Just a quick post this morning before I go for my Chemo appointment. Who knows when I will feel up to sitting at the computer again.
Yesterday was a great day. I actually felt almost normal. I was able to take my two little boys, Caleb and Ammon, to the park. As I watched them run around and play, I got tears in my eyes thinking about how I used to take for granted being able to go spend a day at the park and watch my kids play. I was so glad to be able to have the energy to do something that used to be not such a big deal.
It was a perfect day. Caleb collected pine cones, and Ammon ate dirt and rocks and anything else I wasn't quick enough to take away from him before he shoved it in his mouth. I have learned not to take the simple things that make me laugh for granted. I am grateful that I now know to fully enjoy each moment!
We also went and got our family portrait taken last night at Beus park and pond in Ogden. A special thank you to the photographer, Haillee Biddle. She was fantastic and the picture is going to be fabulous! We will get a picture of the family up on the website once we get them back.
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