I love to scrapbook, and I love scrapbook magazines. So, I faced a real dilemma when I got the notice that my Creating Keepsakes magazine subscription was about to expire. It was time to renew for another year. The thought that kept running through my mind was, "Will I be here for another year?" I've already beat the odds by having such a miraculous response to the chemo, and the cancer staying stable. Would I be tempting fate by assuming I would be alive for another year??? No one should have to think about that, but certainly not a 29 year old gal!
I threw caution to the wind, and not only renewed my subscription, but renewed it for 2 YEARS!!!!! I'm not going to live my life afraid of dying. I am going to be optimistic and assume I am going to be here for many, many years.
(And at least if I don't make it that long, I will have enjoyed the time I was here!)
 Easter 2008
I love Easter. I love spring. Usually when it is Easter the flowers are all blooming and it is beautiful, so I am sad that Easter is so early this year. I check my flowers outside every day and can't wait until they start blooming.
It is simply unbelievable that it has been 10 months since I was diagnosed with cancer, 5 months since I had my mastectomy and hysterectomy, and 2 months since I finished radiation. Time just keeps flying by. Everyday that I am here, and stable, is a blessing. I didn't know if I would live to see another spring, and I am so glad that I am still here.
We had a busy Saturday. We do all of our Easter Egg Hunts and parties on Saturday so we can focus on Jesus and the Resurrection on Sunday. Never before have I felt such a profoundly deep gratitude for the gift that Jesus gave to all of us. The promise of being resurrected as He was gives me so much hope. There have been several women who have passed away from breast cancer that I have gotten to know through the website breastcancer.org. It breaks my heart that they are separated from their loved ones, but I take comfort in my knowledge that families can be together forever. I wish that everyone could have that peace and comfort from that knowledge.
Happy Easter!
Wow, time has been flying. Sorry it has been so long since I updated my blog, but no news is good news, right?
An update on my condition first: Right before Dan & I went to Puerto Rico I had X-rays done and my tumor markers blood work done. The cancer in my hip, pelvis, and back is stable. My blood test tumor markers actually dropped from 43 to 28. That is wonderful news. I hope I will stay stable for years and years!!!!
Puerto Rico was fabulous! It was so beautiful and warm. The beaches were absolutely gorgeous!! I felt so much better in the warm, plus Dan was really good at keeping me on top of my meds so I wouldn't be in pain. Swimming in the Caribbean was amazing. The water was so warm, and I could just float forever. That was the best pain relief- that weightless feeling while swimming.
Part of the time we stayed with a family Dan knew from his mission, the Hernandez's. They were so nice, and it was wonderful to get to know them. They feel like family!
The other time we stayed at a bed and breakfast right on the beach. We had a balcony you could go out and watch the ocean waves crashing on the beach. We had a yummy breakfast every morning, and we met lots of nice people who were also staying there.
We took a sailboat trip to some islands, and snorkeled along the coral reef. We saw so many beautiful fishes, and we even saw a dolphin from the sailboat. We got a little seasick on the last part of the trip, so I may be hesitant to sail again any time soon.
All in all, it was a very relaxing and wonderful vacation. It is always nice to come home; I really started to miss the kids the last 2 days. Of course, as soon as I get home the are fighting with each other, plus all of the homework, housework, temper-tantrums, cooking, teaching piano lessons, and all the other joys of being a stay at home mom that makes me want to hop on the airplane and fly back to paradise. Such is life though. If we didn't have to deal with all of the trials of life, we wouldn't appreciate the precious moments as much.
 The sunsets were so breathtaking. You could literally watch the sun sink in the horizon. The sunrises were equally beautiful. Almost every night we would eat dinner at an ocean-side restaurant. The food was amazing, and we enjoyed non-alcoholic pina-coladas.
 This picture is Dan & I at the top of a watchtower in in the El Yunque Rainforest. This place was totally amazing. It was so lush and green, and you could hear so many birds chirping in the background. There were waterfalls, and beautiful flowers.
 El Yunque Rain Forest
 Beach front restaurant where Dan had lobster. We are with the Hernandez's, the people we stayed with.
 Dan with his whole lobster.
 Old San Juan
 Balcony at the Bed and Breakfast we stayed at: Luquillo Sunrise Inn
On my bathroom counter there is a bucket. A bucket full of all my prescription drugs. Every Sunday, I fill up my pill organizer with all of the pills I have to take for the week. My memory isn't what it used to be, so I tend to forget if I took all of my medicine every day or not. I hate swallowing pills.
I am still really tired. My tissue and skin is still tender from radiation. My back and hip hurts when I try to vacuum, sweep, pick up toys, or scrub floors. I feel like an old woman. I can't sleep at night. I don't have any energy. I get stomaches quite often.
I wish I could just say, I'm cured! I'm all better! I feel great! But sadly, I don't. And it is depressing. I just want to be normal. I just want to be able to do what I used to be able to do.
I have to go for treatment tomorrow. I don't want to . I wish I didn't have to go to the doctors anymore.
A week from Wednesday (Feb 27th) Dan is taking me on vacation. We are going to Puerto Rico. I need a vacation! I am looking forward to relaxing and the warm tropical weather!
A week ago, my baby turned 2 years old. They grow up so fast!
I don't mean to be negative, but some days are harder than other.
I'm sure things will get better.
It seems like everywhere I go, people tell me how cute, darling, fun, etc. my hair is. If only I would have known, I would have chopped my hair off a long time ago!!! It is really fun to "do" my hair. I am trying out different styling goops to find the one that works. This is a hairstyle I never would have chosen for myself, but I'm glad that people seem to think it suits me. Who would have thunk.
Hi everyone. Another month is almost over. I can't believe it. 27 days until mine & Dan's trip to Puerto Rico. I can't wait. Life is getting back to our boring normal. I get the older kids off to school, I take care of Caleb & Ammon, feed them, clean up after them, play with them. Blake, Bekah, and Abby get home from school. I feed them, clean up after them, help them with homework, piano practicing, chores... I cook dinner, we clean up after dinner. I run the kids to their various activities. I teach piano lessons. I try to catch up on my scrapbooking. We read scriptures, watch Jazz games. I break up fights between the kids over and over and over....
I still have pain in my hip and back when I over do. I have a hard time sleeping at night because I hurt, worry, and have hot flashes.
So, basically, life is returning to normal, but now I have constant fear and worry about the cancer growing again. I hope it stays stable for a long time, but the fear never seems to leave. I think about cancer 100 times a day. I hope someday I can get to the point where I don't think about it so much anymore. I guess because cancer has dominated so much of my life during treatment, it is hard to push it back. I am trying..... Maybe once more time has passed I can feel more secure.
At least now when people ask me how I am doing, I can honestly say "Really good!!!"
 Christmas Morning, BEFORE
 Christmas morning, AFTER
It has been a while since I posted. It has been a busy time. Trying to keep up with all of the kids during Christmas break when I am healthy is hard enough, but being tired from radiation and all of the hustle and bustle of this busy time, I haven't had the energy to post.
I wanted to take a moment to share what an amazing, blessed, overwhelming Christmas we had.....
The Burlison family (Blake's paternal grandparents' family) wanted to Christmas for us. Kris (Blake's grammy) insisted that with all of my treatment and surgery, and exhaustion, she wanted to do all of our shopping and wrapping. She insisted I send her a list of what the kids wanted for Christmas, and told me she would take care of it. So I wrote the kids clothings sizes, and a couple of toys that they liked, and was immensely grateful that we wouldn't have to worry about Christmas this year. The money we would normally have spent on Christmas presents, we put towards paying off my oncologist and doctor bills.
Well, Kris warned me not to be overwhelmed. They got a "little" more that what I had written on the list. So on a beautiful snowy Christmas Eve night, Kris and Craig drove up to our house. They unloaded the back of their pickup truck into our home. Bag after bag of presents, beautifully wrapped soon filled our family room. But wait, they all wouldn't fit. There were still bags and bags of gifts out in the garage. Piles and piles of presents. I was so overwhelmed, and could hardly keep the tears from flowing.
We had told the kids that we wouldn't be doing much for Christmas because of doctor bills, so imagine their surprise and utter delight when they entered the living room Christmas morning, and saw the piles and piles of gifts. They were jumping up and down, squealing with happiness, and more excited than I have seen them in a long time. It took almost 3 hours to unwrap all of the presents. It was simply amazing.
People are good. I am continually awestruck at the big hearted and kind things that people do for our family.
In fact, just last week, some families purchased and installed new blinds in our kitchen, my sister in law helped me redecorate my kitchen, some kind soul from our church gave us a cash gift anonymously with a simple "Merry Christmas". Someone from Dan's work gave us some money and told us Merry Christmas. With this we are able to pay off the rest of my doctor bills from 2007 and start the new year with all of my doctor bills paid off.
It seems like all I am every doing on this blog is saying thank you, but no matter how many times I say it, it can never be enough. So once again, thank you!!!! I thank God and all of you for lifting our burdens and serving us.
Happy new year!!!!
I just wanted to share Abby's (My 7 year old daughter) letter to Santa.
Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is my Mom to get all better from her cancer. And I really want a paws off diary. Cause I have wanted one for a really long time. I want a really happy Christmas with my family. I want a webkin too.
Sincerly,
Abby Chase
p.s. I've tried to be really good.
Doesn't that just bring tears to your eyes? Well, I hope she gets what she wants for Christmas. Dear Santa, I want to be all better from my cancer, too. I've tried to be really good....
Sorry I haven't posted an update. I have been feeling great and been busy doing life as normal, and I haven't taken time to post.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Ours was great!!!! Everything tasted so yummy and I was so glad that I was able to eat without getting sick. Dan and I went out shopping the day after Thanksgiving. We didn't go out until 8 am, and it was fun to shop and get some good deals.
Over the weekend we got the house all decked out for the holidays. Lights everywhere inside and out. Abby (our 7 year old) said that she thinks we have the best looking house anywhere. The magic is so fun with little kids. At first I thought I didn't want to bother with all of the work of getting all of the decorations out, but I am so glad that we did. It really puts you in the Christmas spirit so see all of the twinkling lights and the nativity, and the tree, and garlands. So beautiful!
We went with my family down to Salt Lake City to see the lights at Temple Square. It was so pretty. My favorite part is when you go in the visitors center and walk up the ramp and see the statue of Christ. It was hard not thinking about the possibility that I will be making that journey after this life sooner rather than later. It was wonderful to think about being in His presence again. I love this time of year when we celebrate Jesus' birth and life and mission.
Well I went to visit the radiation Oncologist today. He said I will need about 25 treatments. So once a day for 5 weeks. It is better than 6 weeks! He won't be doing radiation to my hip and pelvis at this time, but he will try to extend the treatment field to radiate my sternum (which had cancer) I go in for my simulation and tattoos tomorrow morning.
I am really tired today after being so busy for so many days. My brain thinks I want to and can do everything, but my body says "Slow down!!! I'm exhausted." It is hard to find a balance. I can't wait until I am done with treatment, and life can go back to normal.
Wow, I can't believe the difference a week makes. I am feeling GOOD for the first time in months. I thought I felt pretty good on my good days during chemo, but whoa, after a month of no chemo, I feel GOOD! I still am a little sore from surgery and have a hard time using my arm, but I feel good!!!
Yesterday I went grocery shopping with Dan and out to dinner. I was able to eat and it tasted yummy!! (We went to Texas Roadhouse). I haven't had to take a nap in days! I still have a ways to go in getting my energy back, but it is wonderful to be feeling better.
And I am sure it will just keep getting better!!! (Until I start radiation...... I have my consult on Nov 26th, and then my simulation on the 27th.) I will just keep enjoying life until then.
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