Okay, so time doesn't exactly fly while you're having chemo, but the week in between chemo treatments certainly flies by. It seems just like I was just at the hospital yesterday getting chemo, and here it is another week has past, and it is chemo time again. The days seem to crawl by, but time really is flying by.
I didn't have chemo on Tuesday this week, because I changed my appointment so I take Bekah to SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE ON TOUR. It was SO FUN!!! The dancers were all so amazing, and it was just awesome to see them dance live. Plus the dialog between numbers, and the interaction between the dancers was so entertaining. I took tons of pictures, and hope to get some posted over on the pictures link.
I also still need to do a detailed post on the brain radiation treatment, plus a bunch of other things. I plan on bringing my laptop to the hospital with me so I can maybe work on uploading pictures etc. while i am getting chemo. My goal is to bring things with me to #1 be productive while I am there and #2 do things to help the time pass quicker. This chemo treatment will be #5 of #18. I will be almost 1/3 the way done. Yippeee!!!!
 The CRAZY girls in my family!!!!!!!!!! They ROCK!
A year ago I turned 29. I wondered, and was a little doubtful, that I would make it to my 30th birthday. Well, I DID!!!!! I turned 30 today. It seems like we partied all weekend. My family (my dear wonderful sisters did most of the planning from what I hear) threw me the most fabulous surprise party on Saturday. I had NO IDEA that this was even in the works.
My mom had told me that my Grandma L. wanted to have one last family dinner at her house while the weather was still good, plus my Aunt Jan would be up from Vegas because my Grandpa L. had a heart procedure done this last week. So, we show up to my Grandmas house, late of course. When I walked into the backyard, there were like 3 cameras pointed at me. I looked around at everyone, and then everyone shouted SURPRISE. Everyone had PINK hair. They either had spray painted , or dyed, or got pink hair extensions. SO the first thing that went through my mind was that they were throwing me a party to show support for my battling cancer.
Then everyone started to sing Happy Birthday, and it finally clicked in my head that it was a surprise Birthday party for me. I was so overwhelmed, and happy, and touched that all of my Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, grandmas, grandpas, brothers, sisters, would all come and show their love and caring for little old me. I am so glad that everyone came. It was so nice to get hugs from you all, and I just felt so LOVED. It was so sweet, and I really needed that.
Everything was TINKERBELL. I had the most adorable Tinkerbell cake, balloons, and plates. I felt so special. My parents gave me a Tinkerbell porcelain doll, with fairy dust. Maybe I can use it to fly to neverland, and then I will never have to grow up. Plus I bet they don't have cancer in Neverland. I love the Disney Fairies, and Tinkerbell has always been my favorite. Bekah and Abby are really jealous, I think.
Everyone gave me the most thoughtful gift. I received a $200 gift certificate to a local spa. The list of all the heavenly sounding services just made me so excited. I figured out that there is enough that I can go get a facial and a pedicure, foot massage etc. once a month on my week off from chemo. I will be able to look forward to a special pampering each month, and that will help me get through the hard weeks. I can't wait to go the first time. I am going to have to talk my mom and sisters into going with me at least once. I think it will be a lot of fun if we go together. My next week off is the week of October 6th-12th. I do have an MRI that week, and a follow up doctors appointment with the radiation oncologist, but we can still fit in some spoiling and pampering, right girls!?
Last year when I turned 29, I said that the next year when I turned 30 I wanted a RAGER of a birthday party. I had assumed that my cancer would be a bad memory, and that I would be healthy, stable, and fine. I didn't expect to get a brain tumor, and be back on chemo again so soon. I told Dan not to throw me a party right now, because I just didn't feel like celebrating. I told him we could have my 30th birthday celebration after I was done with this 6 months of chemo. I know he felt bad because he had been planning a party for me with all of our friends and his family etc. So everyone, plan on a 30th year celebration sometime in the Spring. We can celebrate my 30 1/2 birthday.
 Here we are as a family at my Birthday party. Unfortunately Blake was gone to his Dad's this weekend, so he wasn't able to be there. We need to photoshop him into the photo.
 Here I am with my sweetheart Dan. I was an emotional wreck, crying and upset all day, and Dan took the day off from work, so he had to put up with me crying and being sad all day today. I was a little down because I am dreading chemo again, my hair is falling out like crazy, and this just isn't what I had pictured for my life at this time. Plus because of the STUPID steroids I have to be on because of swelling in the brain, I have gained 15 pounds in 3 weeks. It just isn't fair!!! I don't eat that much, and I feel sick all the time, and yet I have gained weight. YUCK. My hair is all falling out, and pretty soon I am going to just look like a fat bald old man.. So depressing!!!!! It comes back to that HOPE thing again. I just need to remember that and not focus on all of the hard, difficult things, and focus on all the good things that happen. Even if it just a simple hug or kiss!!!!!
 This is a beautiful, soft, breast cancer fleece blanket that my Aunt Stacy and my cousins made for me. It is absolutely adorable, and I can't wait to snuggle up in it when I don't feel good. I have always wanted a breast cancer blanket, and this one is perfect. Thank you so much guys!!!!!
 I also just had to share these pictures of my cute kids at the party. I love them so much, and they are what keeps me going through the hard times. If I didn't love them so much, and want to be here to be there mother, and hug and kiss them, and spend precious moments with them, I wouldn't go through all of this pain and suffering. They are my everything, and I am grateful for everyday that I get to spend with them. I just hope I live long enough that little 2.5 yr old Ammon will remember me...........
Thanks to everyone else who spoiled me rotten today. I received so many nice phone calls from Family members and friends, and sweet touching cards from so many friends, and thoughtful gifts. I got to enjoy lunch with a bunch of gals from my ward, and Annette, thank you for buying my lunch. I got treats from friends, and pampering gifts, lip gloss from Nancy, soft fuzzy socks, sweet Alice wrote me a poem, and a Henry B. Eyring book from Nola. My sweet friend Kristin brought me some bright cheery balloons, Krystal brought me some rice krispy treats (YUM!) My dear mother in law made me the softest silkiest most beautiful blanket and pillow cases and rice heat bag. I know it will be heavenly to wrap up in it tomorrow after I get home from treatment. My sister in law Rachel sent me the nicest letter, (you made me BAWL) and gave me some money to buy myself something fabulous! My other sis-in-law made the CUTEST card, and gave me some more super soft, fuzzy warm socks. They are pink, and oh so cute!!!! I even got a phone call from my brother in law Ben, who is on a business trip by Hershey Pennsylvania. (He told me that he is going to bring me something from Hershey. He knows what I LOVE) Dan got me some soft Halloween socks, and also a LIBRARY card. (We have NO MORE room on our bookshelves to buy anymore books. I love to read, So now I can check out books, and not have to find a place to keep them.) He also took me shopping on Saturday for some new clothes, and bought me some of my favorite shower gel, chocolate scented, YUM. I can enjoy that, and it won't make me put on even more weight!!! My parents also got me the softest slipper socks, and some new cute PJ's, because when you are going through chemotherapy, you spend more time wearing PJ's than clothes. Plus my dad took me to Salt Lake on Friday to Beethovens 9th Symphony, ODE to JOY. It was phenomenal!!! I enjoyed it so much. My brother in laws mom even gave me a gift, the most beautiful sketch of Christ, plus a CD that their family recorded of songs to help and encourage. I was so touched that they would send a gift for my birthday. See, I told you that I was spoiled. I am sure that I am forgetting other gifts, but I think everyone is just trying to get all the presents in while I am still here, because who knows how many more birthdays I will actually have.........
I really appreciate it all so much. At the times when I feel sad, I love to go back and read all of the kind words you all write, and it gives me so much strength, and your love and support truly lifts my burdens and helps me feel better. I feel guilty sometimes because everyone does so much. I feel like I don't deserve it. I haven't done anything special. I just have cancer, I certainly didn't choose this trial, and I'm not as strong as you all seem to think I am. I just do what I have to do to survive. I can't believe I am putting this out there for everyone to read, but I just don't want everyone to think that I am something that I am not. I cry a lot. I cried a lot today. I am sad. Having cancer is hard, and I really wish that I didn't have to go through all of this. I pray and study and try to figure out why, and I have moments of peace and comfort. But there are moments when my heart aches, and I feel like I can't do this another day.... I try my best, and I hope that it is enough. But please know that I am weak, and scared, and not as strong as you all seem to think I am. I do feel better saying that. But now you know the truth. I am hoping that because this is such a long blog journal entry that no one is actually going to read this last paragraph. And if you did, well, now you know the truth.
In my former life, I loved to make handmade cards, and send them out for birthdays, babies, weddings, and thank you cards. Well, the new me is an incredibly tired and lazy person, so I am just going to do some thank you's here on this site. We are always amazed and eternally grateful at all the service and kindness we receive.
Anyway, a BIG HUGE thanks to DeAnn who cleans my house every week. She is a whirlwind. She cleans my house top to bottom every Tuesday, and it is the biggest relief. It is a lifesaver, because I have absolutely no energy for housework, and I don't have the physical strength to be able to mop floors, and scrub toilets and showers and bathtubs. DeAnn has some donors who pay her to come in and clean for me, and I know she is probably doing it a lot for free anyway. I just want to say THANK YOU to all who play a part in this GREAT SERVICE!!!!!!
Also, a few weeks ago I received the most beautiful bouquet of roses from a family friend Jessica. I received them when I got home from my first chemo appointment and they just truly brightened my day!!!! Thanks Jessica!! I also received some beautiful red carnations from Sharon R. that are actually still blooming beautifully.
A couple of people brought me treats this last week, Lori with Brady and Chelsey brought us some yummy zuchinni bread, and Sis. Valcarce and Sis. Topik brought in two wonderful dinners with our favorite treat; PEACHES!!! Thank you thank you!!! Also thanks to Kira and Nancy for driving me to my appointments, Laura for the ice cream, Sis. Kapp for taking care of me and my kids all day Wednesday and even leaving a delicious dinner in my crockpot!!! I also received the sweetest card from Suzi, the mom of a couple of my piano teacher with a beautiful Willow Tree figurine. So sweet and tender. Kris, thanks for driving my kids to registration and JR. Rockettes, and letting my kids invade your house all of the time. You are awesome! We loved the banana zuchinni bread too. Thank you to all of my neighbors who always let my kids come and play so I can rest. And Sharon for being so willing to help with Caleb this week, and for giving my kids popsicles. And Nola and Laura for bringing me a couple of freezer meals for those days when I just need a little help with getting something on the table at dinner. And Nola, your rolls were delicious!!!! Especially with your homemade jam.
And a special thanks to my Mom and Dad. They made me the best Salmon dinner on Sunday before I started chemo, and they are there for me, every step of the way. Supporting me at doctors appointments and tests and procedures, and praying for me, and worrying about me. My so thoughtful Dad even brought me some apple pie, that was so gosh darn delicious, even when nothing else sounded good last week after chemo. I also need to tell Dan's family thanks for taking Caleb and Abby camping. They had so much fun, and were so glad that they had the opportunity to go. And thank you to Ma Chase for spoiling Ammon rotten while I go to chemo. It makes my day a lot easier to just have her meet us at the hospital when I go for chemo, and then bring him back to us at the hospital again when I am done. That way we can just rush me home to bed when I am done with the chemo.
And I can't forget to mention our awesome home teacher, Bro. Brienholt. He has done so much service and helped Dan with so many projects these last couple of months. He is so humble and willing to serve. He truly follows the example of Jesus Christ. All of you do!!! Also to the other men who have been tinkering around in our yard, doing some flower bed weeding, and door frame sanding and painting. I just can't keep track of all of the angels who serve us each and every day. Then, we also received delicious meals from Griffith family, Amie C., Nicole Q., and Lois W. and Jane and Terry from Dan's work. Not only is all of the meals delicious and wonderful, it helps us save money on our grocery budget, which gives us a little more money to pay on all of my doctor bills. My family is so spoiled, and we are so lucky to have these delicious meals brought in every week. If it weren't for you, all my kids would ever get to eat is Ramen Noodles, spaghetti, and pizza.
And no matter how awful I felt on Sunday after getting kids ready for church, and sitting through church (which I love being spiritually fed, I just am exhausted afterwards!) I am so glad that I am able to go and be strengthened and all of the love and support and hugs bring me so much comfort. And then Roxann surprised us with the BEST cinnamon rolls in the world Sunday night. I could have died and gone to heaven they tasted so good.
And then our wonderful, sweet, awesome relief society came over last night with a load of freezer meals. Our fridge was filled with leftovers from the relief society dinner, and then our freezer is full for the next couple of weeks. I am so humbled, and grateful. It is nearly impossible to cook when seeing, smelling, and preparing food just makes you SO SICK, and to know that I don't have to worry about it one little bit for at least a month we are so stocked, is such a relief!!!!!!! We are so blessed.
Honestly, I don't think we can do it without each and every one of you!!!!! And when you see my smiling face and wonder why I am so happy, THIS IS WHY!!! If you had people giving service and love and support, no matter what our trial is, we would be happy. I am sure I have left someone out, and I feel terrible if I have. (If I have failed to mention someone who did something nice for us in the last week or two, THANK YOU, and I will blame chemo brain and the brain tumor for not being able to remember everything.) Every small act of kindness is so appreciated, and we also appreciate all of your prayers on our behalf. Just know of a certanty
Words can never express the overwhelming gratitude we feel. I remember the talk from LDS General Conference, Enduring Together by Richard C. Edgley. I loved his quote "What happens to one, happens to all." The ward family talked about in this talk could have been my ward. It is amazing to see what happens when people have charity, the true love of Christ. Elder Edgley said, "I rejoice in belonging to such a loving and caring organization. No one knows better how to bear one another’s burdens, mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort. I choose to call it “enduring together.” What happens to one happens to all. We endure together."
to read this talk called Enduring Together click here
http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=e4142bce258f5110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1
I can honestly say that this last month have been very difficult. So many people commend me on my optimism and good attitude, but I have just been having a hard time feeling that way this last month. Words can not express the fear and frustration of knowing that I now have cancer in my brain. It's bad enough that I have cancer, but before I held out hope that having cancer metastasized to your bones couldn't kill you, and my lung lesion has stayed tiny, so I thought I was sitting pretty. It really threw me for a loop to know that I have a brain tumor, and brain tumors kill. So scary, so depressing, so difficult to deal with. I have been trying to find my happy place, and just can't quite seem to get there. I guess the stress and side effects of doing chemo again, plus the brain radiation with all that pain and discomfort, I am just trying to get back up off my butt and start walking this road one baby step at a time again. I am not superwoman. I am not happy and brave all the time. I cry. A lot. I still have faith, I just need to refocus it, and start acting on it.
As far as prognosis goes, and I am sure you are all wondering, we asked my oncologist, and he said that he thinks I should be here at least another year, and hopefully 2-3 more years. On one hand that sounds like a short time, but I can do a lot of living in that time. And who knows..... Maybe in a year or two there WILL be other treatments that can even extend my life longer.
My chemo treatments are already starting to kick my butt. My mouth has the most awful taste in it, and nothing tastes good. I have neuropathy beginning in my hands and feet already. As of now it is just the numbness and tingling, but I have the fun stinging shooting pain to look forward to. My hair is already starting to fall out. I had a big chunk of hair fall out last night. I think it was from the radiation dose as well as the chemo. So in the middle of the night, I am chopping at my hair trying to cover the bald spot in the back. Sheesh.
It is really frustrating when the treatments make you feel sicker than the actual disease.
Sorry to be such a downer. Just trying to keep it real, and let you all know that I am not perfect at having this cancer. I struggle, and fear, and doubt, and get mad, and occasionally I even let the words, "Why do I have to do this again??????" escape from my mouth.
I took the kids to the park the other day, and I just had to share this picture of Ammon. My children bring me so much joy, and the little things like this are why I keep fighting my cancer. So I can be here for the big things, and also the simple little pleasures of life. Just had to share!!!
On a not so happy note..... Well, this is kind of hard to type... I hesitate to share this, but I know this is why all of you wonderful people check my blog for updates. Because you want to know how things are going. This wouldn't be an effective means of updating if I didn't share what is going on, right?
I talked to the doctor today when I had treatment, and they are concerned about the rising tumor markers. At first, they said maybe they would wait a month and then run the blood tests again, however, after the doctors discussed my situation, they decided that maybe it would be best to do some scans. They want to see what is going on, see if the cancer is growing, and check and see if it has spread anywhere else.
Regarding the tumor markers, I guess they have almost doubled in the last 3 1/2 months. They went from 28 in February to 51 in June. I asked the Dr. today if the rising tumor markers could be from something else, but she said, "In your case, probably not."
So, I will have a CT scan tomorrow, and a bone scan on Thursday. I am not sure when I will get the results. I was really hoping to not have to do tests again until after the summer, but I think it is better to know what is going on, rather than just worry and wonder.
The doctors said today that the treatment options are to first change my hormonal drug from Aromasin to something else. The other option is to start another chemotherapy drug. Dr. Hansen said that he would rather wait to start another chemo drug, because he doesn't want me to run out of treatment options too early.
I really don't know anything for sure right now. I am dreading the CT scan. Well, not exactly the test itself, but the prep for it. I hate drinking that barium sulfate. 2 big bottles of it. yech!!!! You know, the "berry smoothie" stuff. What is even worse, is that I had treatment today, and I really don't know how I am going to get that stuff down. I will just do my best.
I would appreciate all of the prayers and positive vibes you can give. I know that they help so much. I know that everything is going to be okay, and that whatever happens is part of Heavenly Father's plan. If we never experience pain, trials and sadness, we wouldn't appreciate the simple joys and happiness of life.
I am holding out hope that I don't have any new lesions, and that the rising tumor markers are just a fluke. A girl can hope, right?
This post will just be a random list of 10 things that have happened in the last 10 days. A readers digest version, if you will, of our lives the last 10 days. I would love to add pictures to all of these events, but quite frankly that takes too long, and I just want to keep you faithful readers and friends and family up to date.
1. I can't sleep at night, and I can't stay awake during the day. I am tired all the time, and take a nap almost every day...... Sometimes I will lie down to "rest" during the day, and I end up sleeping for several hours. I guess my body needs the rest.
2. My kids have officially begun summer vacation. We have survived almost 2 weeks. I have enjoyed most things about them being home, but unfortunately I am the only person in the world whose kids bicker and fight.
3. We rode the new Front Runner train down to Salt Lake and went to dinner at Tuccanos at the Gateway Mall. Really yummy Brazilian food.We took all 5 of our kids with us, and they had a great time. The little boys loved making "choo choo" sounds. It was comfortable and very nice train ride. Blake who is now 13 is now an "adult" when we go out to eat. Good thing he has a big teenage appetite. He ate, and ate, and ate. He said "This place should be renamed the man cave!" huh?? What does that mean???
4. We had 2 tadpoles. One of the tadpoles who had just finished morphing into a frog died last night. This froglet was my 5 year old Caleb's. I was so scared to tell him, because I thought he was going to be so sad. Well, he took the news rather well. When we told him that his little frog was dead, he looked stoic for a moment, and then his eyes lit up and he said, "Do I get to flush him down the toilet!!!!" a little too excitedly. So he happily flushed the frog down the toilet and asked, when do I get a new frog? I sure hope he doesn't act like this if his mom dies!!!!!
5. We redid the floors in our living room. We tore out the carpet and base boards, laid laminate wood floor down, painted some, and it is looking fabulous. We still have some painting to do, but once that is done we will get new leather sofas. This is all made possible by George W. Bush's economic stimulus money. So, THANK YOU, George W.
6. Saturday is mine and Dan's 11th wedding anniversary. I am taking him away for a romantic getaway, but he doesn't know where.
7. My kids also have caterpillars that are supposed to change into butterflies. I got these "nature science" kits so that the kids can do some fun learning during the summer.
8. Ammon, my 2 year old went pee pee on the toilet for the first time this last week!!!! YIPPEEEE!!!!
I won't really push the pottie training until after the summer.
9. Bekah, Abby and I watched the movie High School Musical 2 last week while doing pedicures and manicures. They were FAB-U-LOUS!
10. My tumor marker tests, which is a blood test that checks to see if my cancer is growing is elevated from what it was in November and February. Could mean something, could mean nothing. I will talk to the Doctor about it on Tuesday. Could mean something, could mean nothing. We will see. I hate waiting.
 Benefit concert held for Amber Chase May 16th 2008. Given by Abby Chase, and friends Savannah Anderson and Riley Davis.
 Savannah Anderson, Rebekah Chase, Ammon, Me, Abby Chase, Keigely Davis, Riley Davis.
Anyone who has children understands how EXASPERATING they can be. Some days they just drive you absolutely CRAZY! And then some days, they do the sweetest, most wonderful things. Yesterday was one of those crazy days, and today was one of those precious sweet days.
My 8 year old daughter Abby, and her friends, Savannah and Riley gave me a benefit concert. They have been planning this for weeks. They wrote and practiced songs during recess at school. Then they made fliers and handed them out around the neighborhood. They wanted to do something to help earn money for my cancer treatments. I thought the sentiment was sweet, and so heart warming! The fact that they came up with the idea themselves, and spent so much time preparing and were so excited for it....... Words can't describe how precious it was. I received a bouquet of wildflowers, and the girls made a heart shaped envelope for donations.
It was so touching and sweet, and totally adorable. They sang some original songs, and then sang along with a couple of Hannah Montana songs and Alvin and the Chipmunks songs. They danced and did gymnastics. My face hurt from grinning. We only had an audience of the girls' parents, grandparents, and siblings, as well as a couple of neighborhood kids, and it took place on the lawn of the elementary school, but it was the BEST concert I have ever been to!!!!!!!
I am humbled, and awed that these young girls cared so much to do something so special for me. It just goes to show you, that no matter who you are, or how young or old you are, you can make a difference.
So next time I go to the doctor, I am going to pay the $84.72 donated at my benefit concert towards my thousands of dollars of doctor bills, and this will be the biggest payment I have made because it means the most. I don't think those girls and their families, and the people who donated will ever know the difference this made in our life. But I am once again humbled and amazed at how blessed I am.  Savannah and my daughter Abby. Savannah made the most adorable envelope that said "donations for Amber" on one side, and "We love Amber" on the other side.
 Paragraph.
One year ago today, I head the life altering words, "We believe you have a rare, very aggressive form of breast cancer called inflammatory breast cancer." For a moment, the world stood still. The next moment the world was a very different place.
The following days were a whirlwind of biopsies, bone scans, MRI's CT scans, and doctors appointments. This was followed by weeks of chemotherapy, more tests, more Doctors appointments. Throw in a couple of surgeries, and 6 weeks of radiation.
I can scarcely believe that it has been 365 days. Some days seemed like they would never end, I was so sick, and in so much pain. But the weeks flew by, as did the months. And now it has been a YEAR!!!!
But I survived! Although not alone. I know that I would have been unable to bear the burdens of this trial without help from all of my family and friends, priesthood blessings, and most importantly, my Savior.
So celebrate with me today! I challenge to look with new eyes at the world around you. Enjoy the beauty of spring, the flowers, the blossoms on the trees, the beautiful blue sky. Even when life is hard, it is still good. Count your blessings. Every breath is a gift. Every moment with your friends and family is precious. Smile and laugh, and enjoy life!!!!!!
 My boys
 My girls!
 My TEENAGER, Blake
 Silly moments that make me laugh.
 My sweet, sassy Abby.
 My sweetheart, Dan, who spoils me rotten.
 My little tornado, Ammon, who occasionally tires out.
 The beauty of nature.
 Being able to take my kids on "special nights" like my dad did when I was growing up. Each week I take 1 of my kids on an activity of their choice, so we can have 1 on one time. I am grateful that my dad did this for me, and glad that I am physically able to do things like take Caleb to the Dinosaur Park.
 This is a picture of me and Abby on her baptism day. I am so grateful that I am still here and was able to be here for that special day. I can't believe how time is flying by, and how well I am feeling. I just got my hair highlighted and I love the color and new cut. It is fun having short hair.
I had the privilege of speaking at the Baptism about the Holy Ghost. I thought I would share my talk here.
More than 20 years ago I turned 8 years old. I had a birthday party and received lots of gifts. I am sure that I received clothes, dolls, toys, and other fun things.
Because this was so long ago, I don't have any of the those gifts that I received when I was 8 years old. To tell you the truth, I don't even remember what gifts I received for my birthday that year. I have a hard time remembering what gifts I received last year! Even if I still had those gifts, the clothes would no longer fit me, or I wouldn't have much use for the toys and dolls.
The year I turned 8 years old I received another gift. I still have this gift, and I use it all the time. The gift I received was the gift of the Holy Ghost. Today after you are baptized you will also receive this most wonderful and precious gift.
In the Book of Mormon, King Benjamin taught his people about the atonement of Christ, and receiving a remission, or forgiveness, from their sins. After they were taught about the atonement, they all cried aloud with one voice, saying: O have mercy, and apply the atoning blood of Christ that we may receive forgiveness of our sins, and our hearts may be purified; for we believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who created heaven and earth, and all things; who shall come down among the children of men.
3 And it came to pass that after they had spoken these words the Spirit of the Lord came upon them, and they were filled with joy, having received a remission of their sins, and having peace of conscience, because of the exceeding faith which they had in Jesus Christ who should come, according to the dwords which king Benjamin had spoken unto them.
After you are baptized, you will also be receiving this remission from your sins, and you too will be filled with joy, just like the people of King Benjamin!
The Holy Ghost can be your constant companion. He will help you to know when things you learn in church are true, or when you read the scriptures that they are true. He will comfort you when you are sad or scared, He will warn you when you are making a bad choice, and help you to know when you are doing something that Heavenly Father would be pleased with. He will also help you to know when you have done something wrong, and help you feel the need to repent. The Holy Ghost has been described as a "still small voice". You have to listen carefully so you can hear his promptings. He doesn't whisper in your ear, but whispers in your heart.
A favorite scripture of mine that can help you remember this is found in Moroni 7:16.
16 For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.
When you are baptized you make a covenant, or two way promise, to Heavenly Father to always keep his commandments. In return you are promised to always have His spirit to be with you. You will be reminded of this promise each week when the sacrament is blessed. I encourage you to listen carefully during the sacrament prayers, because these will remind you what you have promised, and what Heavenly Father has promised you in return.
To keep the Holy Ghost as your constant companion, you need to be choosing the right. Sometimes when me make mistakes, or maybe aren't as good at reading our scriptures, or saying or prayers like we are supposed to, he may not stay with you all the time. But if you are faithful, and always TRY to keep the commandments, and repent when you make mistakes, you can always have his spirit to be with you.
In closing I would like to talk about the words to the Primary song, When Jesus Christ was baptized.
When Jesus Christ was baptized down in the river Jordan,
Three members of the God head were present there in love.
The father spoke from Heaven when Jesus Christ was baptized,
The Holy Ghost descended as gently as a dove.
Today when you are baptized, I am sure you and all of your friends and family members will feel the Holy Ghost, just like when Jesus was baptized. Heavenly Father is pleased with your decision to be baptized, and you will feel His love through this wonderful gift of the Holy Ghost. Remember this sweet feeling, and always try your best to keep the commandments so you can feel the Spirit with you always. I know the Holy Ghost is real. I have felt his presence in my life often, and I know you will as well.
To start off, thank you everyone for letting me know that you still check up on me, and enjoy reading my ramblings. I really appreciate all of your support!!!!
I had a really good week. My energy is finally starting to return, and I can actually go a whole day without having to take a nap. Of course, I over-do it for several days in a row, and then I crash for a day or so. I just need to have patience.  We had another birthday in the family last week. Abby turned 8. She wanted a Hannah Montana birthday party. Abby is a very friendly child, and so she invited 24 girls to her party. That was fine with me because I figured only half would come. Um, wrong. We ended up with 18 giggling, crazy, hyper, enthusiastic, energetic girls. It was very fun, but wore me right out. I had hoped for good weather that day, so we could have the party outside, but it was a cold windy day. So, we were stuck inside. Luckily my house was still standing after the party.
I gave a talk in church on Sunday about how hope in Christ can help us to have optimism. I am much more comfortable writing my feelings than speaking in public. I spent hours and hours preparing my talk, and then I just ended up blubbering for 10 minutes. When I sat down after my talk, I couldn't even remember what I had said. Several people told me they enjoyed my talk, though. The gist of my talk was that when times are hard, if we trust in Jesus Christ, we can have hope that everything will work out. All of our trials, and heartaches, are learning experiences. As we go through these trials, if we can have faith, we can receive the help we need to endure our trials well. Sometimes we bring our trials on ourselves, and sometimes they just happen (like getting cancer). That is the purpose of this life. If we never had sorrows or hard times, we wouldn't have joy or appreciate the good times.
I had my cancer treatments again today. It was a really long day at the hospital and I am exhausted. My stomach already is upset, and I feel lousy. But even though that is bad, my sister was kind enough to watch my boys today, my neighbor brought dinner tonight, and a friend is watching the little boys tomorrow so I can rest. And while I was at the hospital today, my house was cleaned top to bottom by another friend. So even though I don't enjoy feeling yucky, I am continually blessed by the help and support from friends and family. I couldn't do it without all of you!!!!!!!!!!!
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